Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
