It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If I die, sorry about rent.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
