it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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