i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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