my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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