you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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