sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
