this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
