summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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