dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
