she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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