Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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