three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
