just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
