I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
