apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
