i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
