the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
