Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize