he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
