I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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