Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
