apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
