OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
