He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
