New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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