hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
