wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
