normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
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