I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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