i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
