"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You pole danced in your parka.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
