Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
