let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
