I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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