The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
