So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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