I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
