guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
