I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
