we have officially lost it.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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