Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
