Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
