I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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