Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
