I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
