When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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