So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
