Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
