problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
