he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
