Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
