hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
