Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize