you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
