He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
