I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
