so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
