They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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