A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
