For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
