Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
