fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
