woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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