I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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