I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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