"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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