We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
